Merry After Christmas!

Christmas has come and gone. Whether or not my children actually slowed down enough to appreciate the real reason we celebrate the season, I am not sure. No matter how much we remind them, they are always ready to move on to the next presents. We all have colds now so we are slowing down whether we want to or not. =-) More than last year, it seemed that we noticed how much we missed my grandparents and my dad. But it made us appreciate our familes and we enjoyed being together this Christmas. I am glad the busyness is over for a little while. We have New Years in a couple of days but I am glad we have this week before we start back to school and work.


We had to start Shelby in counseling a few weeks ago for her anxiety. She has always had really bad anxiety and it peaked a few weeks ago. She started having thoughts she shouldn't be having and so I started taking her to a counselor. My psychiatrist has been telling me for a couple of years that each of us need to be seeing a counselor so that we have someone we already trust when things get bad. Which is a great idea and I knew Shelby needed it the most but I just kept putting it off. And even during the 1st session, with several - and I do mean several- worries for her to talk about - Shelby told the counselor that her main worry was losing me. She said she doesn't want to be the only kid in college who can't call their mom. And she said that Cole wouldn't be able to make it without me. That is a lot of stuff for an 11 year old to worry about. But I am praying that the counselor will give her some ways to deal with her worries. She told me that we might still have to give her meds but we would not do that for a while. Unfortunately, Shelby is not worrying for nothing. I can't tell her everything is going to be "okay" and that is very frustrating as a mom because I want to make it okay. So when you think about Shelby, say a little prayer for her - that her mind and her heart would not be anxious. I am feeling horribly guilty about being the cause of Shelby's anxiety. When I take her to counseling, I sit in the waiting room and think "we wouldn't be here if it weren't for me." But I know I will have much more to feel guilty for before this is over. And so for now I will just be thankful that I have found a counselor that Shelby likes and trusts.

I did not intend for today to sound so depressing because I am not sad today. Today I am very thankful for the sunshine. I feel so much better when it is not gloomy outside!

Only 3 days left!?

Okay, so this weekend I had a couple of better days and I am very thankful! Not great but definitely better and I'll take what I can get. Friday, I got to go to both of the kid's Christmas parties at school. It makes me sad to know that was Shelby's last Christmas party in Elementary school! Saturday, I actually went out shopping with my family - and enjoyed myself! This sounds silly but I haven't been able to do that lately. I even felt pretty good on Sunday. Good enough to do my Christmas cards! Maybe this is the beginning of me feeling better. I don't want to be depressed at Christmas.

I am glad we don't have to travel far like so many people do. We will have Christmas Eve at my Mom's and Christmas day at my older sister's house. Then on Friday we will go to Clarksville and spend the night at Chip's parents house. Spending the night is not my favorite thing to do. All of Chip's family spends the night so you can imagine how much my nerves love the chaos. But the kids love it so it is worth it. :-)

Today I am thankful to have my kids at home. I love having them home. We're going to go get Chip's gifts. It's always fun to see what they pick out for him!

I want to thank everybody for their encouraging words. I really do have great friends!

Bah Humbug!

There is a very good reason I haven't written for a while now. It is because I don't want you to know that I don't feel "merry." I don't want you to know that I actually feel more like a grinch. =) I have nothing in partcular to be depressed about but I am. I am dreading the holidays to the extent that my family finally had to put up the decorations. I haven't done any of the shopping that I'm supposed to do. I have bought a few things online - I have bought the things from us for my children and I have bought teacher gifts (very important!) and I've bought all the kids in my classes a gift and that is it. After all, I reallly don't care about anything else at this point. Every year my mom wants me to get gifts for my children from her and Chip's mom wants me to get gifts from her for the kids. And I have 2 sisters and an aunt that want me to get them something for the kids. In theory, this isn't a bad idea because then I get to make sure that the kids are actually getting the gifts they want and I get to make sure they're not getting 2 of everything. I usually have these gifts out of the way before Thanksgiving so I can finish my own shopping. But considering that I am having a little case of the Christmas blues, that hasn't happened yet. And so on top of feeling yucky, I am also beginning to panic. Chip is going to help me some this weekend and he is going to take off on Moday so that we can shop together. This will probably get our kid's gifts out of the way so that we can shop for our parents, neices and nephews, our grandmothers, aunts,ect... Well you get the picture. I am behind and I'm torn between panic and not caring at all!
I am sorry that I am one big pity party right now. I hate feeling this way at Christmas. I usually don't get depressed until after Christmas. I do hope the rest of you are having wonderful holidays! I saw on Facebook today that Meg was going to 3 parties in one day! Girl, I am so glad that is you and not me!! There is not enough medication in the world to make me go to 3 parties in a day! I am thankful for my family even thought they have decided it is great fun to play UNO EVERY NIGHT at dinner!