16 years and counting!!!

At this exact time 16 years ago, I was having breakfast at the waffle house with my friends, Cary, Laura, Sherry and Heath.  We had spent the night at the Holiday Inn Express just off of exit 11 in Clarksville.  The night before we had our rehearsal and then had our rehearsal dinner, which was wonderfully cooked by Virginia (Chip's Mom) at the Trahern Mansion.  We wanted the night to be special so we invited lots of friends, not just ones who were in the wedding.  After that, I did not want to go all the way back home to Mount Juliet with my parents so I stayed in the hotel and Laura and Cary stayed with me.  Sherry and Heath also came in from Mississippi and stayed with us.  After breakfast, we went back to the room to get ready...we had to be at the church at 12:00pm for pics and the wedding was at 2:00pm.  The one thing I remember about getting ready in the room at the hotel was how nervous Laura was.  She was a wreck and she was making the rest of us nuts.  Once we got to the church, which was Little Hope Baptist Church (yes, I get the joke), we finished getting ready.  I remember feeling so calm about the day and everyone else was a bundle of nerves.  Probably because I had not planned several things well... for instance, the bridesmaid dresses were horrible.  I loved the color but everyone was falling out of them.  I also didn't think too much about the music....Rachel Arvin, bless her heart, was not given much/if any time to practice with my singers.  And I had not picked out any prewedding music so she had to use songs that Sherry had picked out for her wedding...I am sorry.  My singers were Beau Nave, who sang "Keeper of the Stars" and Kim Jones (Chip's sister) sang "Sunrise, Sunset."  I remember being in the "waiting room" and being so hot that I would sit down and slip the top half of my dress down...I was still covered just not so hot.  And every single time I would finally get comfortable, the video guy would come in....he learned after a couple of times to knock first!  Most of you know that my step dad was like my own dad and I picked out a song when I was a young teen and told him I was going to have it played at my wedding.  We found a copy, a cassette actually, and it didn't sound great but it was precious.  The name of it was something like "You will always be the only man in my heart.."  It was very special to me and I am so thankful he was able to walk me down the aisle.  When I did walk down the aisle, my sweet husband to be sang "Forever is as far as I'll go" and it was beautiful.  Before the ceremony, I had some of my sorority sisters light our candles for us and I thought that was very cool.  I wish I could have included so many more of my special friends in our day but I couldn't..we were all broke!!  My bridesmaids were my sisters Angie and Kim, Kim Jones, Carla Jackson, Cary McCain, and Sherry Grove.  Chip's guys were his Dad, Brent Dukes, Brad Lake, Todd Turner and ??? gone blank.  His brother Randy performed the ceremony which was special.  We had him use the same vows that my mom and dad had used years ago which was pretty cool.
Because we were broke and did not have the money to "go all out" we had a typical, cake, mints, nuts and punch reception.  Also it was a bit cheesy but we did have the ADPi's sing "Little ADPi DPi, like a gem you are, I believe that you must have been a star..." and the Sigma Chi's sang the Sweetheart Song which I cannot recall right now.  My white blazer was our "get away car" and needless to say, we had to stop pretty quickly after we left to remove some of the "gifts" left on it.  We were pelted with birdseed which I was finding in my clothes and hair for a couple of days!  We went to the Music City Sheraton that night and had dinner in the revolving restaurant.  It was way too fancy and expensive for us...we ended up ordering a pizza later that night!!  I was still in school at the time and we got married during our spring break so  I had to be back at school the following Monday!  We had originally planned to get married May 18 and then go on a week cruise/disney vacation.  But the way the summer classes fell, if I wanted to graduate early, I had to split the wedding and the honeymoon.  Which was also fun!!  My mom worried that people would think I was moving it up because I was pregnant which some of them probably did.  It was probably the same people who said we were getting married too young and we didn't know what we were doing.  There are many regrets I have....like wasting so much of my time on guys that were so bad for me...but marrying Chip is not one of them. 

Today I am so thankful for my special husband.  If you know me, you know that I am pretty high maintaince but he is so kind and patient.

My very own "Spirtual Director"

Last week, I had lunch with my friend Whitney, who is the wife of a great friend of mine from high school, Troy Simpson.  Whitney has been an inspiration to me for over 4 years now when I discovered her blog about her recovery from brain surgery.  She is what inspired me to start writing back then.  Since then, Whitney has been called by God to help those who are battling physical ailments by spiritually guiding them.  For anyone who has had a disease, chronic illness or pain, you know that it is easy to get "down" spiritually.  And that is what Whitney is going to do for and with me and I am so excited!  I do not go to counseling, even though I have often thought I should.  And since I can't drive now, Whitney will be coming to my house once a month.  I truly believe Whitney is God's answer to me.

Today I am thankful for a God who knows our needs better than we do.

Holes in the floor of Heaven...

Sometimes there are words to songs that can explain how I am feeling much better than I can, and I want to copy down those lyrics so that you can learn from them.  One of those songs is "Holes in the Floor Of Heaven."  This one would be for all three of you, Chip, Shelby & Cole - please know that no matter what happens or how my life plays out that I love you all more than life itself.

One day shy of 8 years old, grandpa passed away. 
I was a broken hearted little boy, blowing out that birthday cake.
How I cried when the sky let go, with a cold & lonesome rain...
Mama smiled and said don't be sad child, grandma's watching you today.
Cause there's holes in the floor of heaven, and her tears are pouring down.
That's how you know she's watching, wishing she could be here now.
And sometimes if you're lonely, just remember she can see,
There's holes in the floor of heaven and she's watching over you and me.
Seasons come and seasons go, nothing stays the same,
I grew up, fell in love, met a girl who took my name.
Year by year, we made a lif in this sleepy little town.
I thought we'd grow old together, Lord I sure do miss her now.
But there's holes in the floor of heaven & her tears are pouring down,
That's how I know she's watching, wishing she could be here now.
And sometimes when I'm lonely, remember she can see,
There's holes in the floor of heaven and she's watching over you and me.
Well my little girl is 23, I walk her down the aisle.
It's a shame her mom can't be here now, to see her lovely smile.
They throw the rice, I catch her eye as the rain starts coming down. 
She takes my hand and says Daddy don't be sad, cause I know Mama's watching now.

I do want to make a couple of comments about this song.  It is a beautiful song, and no matter what I may miss in your lives whether it be proms, graduations, weddings and even births, I WILL BE WATCHING  you from heaven.  If there are any tears I am able to shed, it would only be tears of JOY because I love you and am proud of you.  Remember this is not our permanent home, so if I make it there first, I will only be wishing that you are THERE IN HEAVEN with me.

Friday, February 24, 2012

It is amazing to me how much drama goes with having a girl. Someone is always upset with the other…Wednesday I had to go get her from school because she was so emotional and one of her friends was ugly to her so how do you say no when your daughter is telling you she needs you. I wish I had better answers for her on dealing with them but I’m not sure it would help.
Drama or no drama...I am so thankful for my precious daughter that God has given us to raise.

Wednesday, February 25, 2012

Wow, I have been in a serious depression since I got back on Sunday. It was probably good that Monday was president’s day & the kids were out of school because it gave us a chance to have Cole’s birthday party at the bowling alley. It was actually an arcade & pizza party and he had a great time. Jill was there with both Zach & Eli, Jana was there with Jacob & Jack, Kay was there with TJ & Summerlyn and Michelle was there with Ben. It was good to get a chance to talk to them & catch up. But then chip left for Orlando after that and won’t be back til Friday. It’s not him being gone that has been so hard this time… I just don’t have it in me to get up & get the things done that actually make me feel better. I can’t tell you last time I stayed in bed all day but I did yesterday. I read for a while and then about 1pm, I went to sleep and didn’t get up til 9pm. Got the kids in bed & went back to bed. These are the days when I wish I had someone to help me pick up & clean up. This morning I was up at 4:20! Tried to read, and do some dishes but there is so much to do that it is overwhelming so I do nothing!

Today is Ash Wednesday and I have been praying about what to give up…lately I have been convicted about my online spending so I think that is what I am giving up. I have been buying things online because it is so easy so I have decided if I need something bad enough, then I will find a way to get to a store & buy it…which I hate doing.

Another thing I have been convicted of is the way I have been treating Chip…it is certainly not the way a wife should treat her husband. I don’t take the time to listen to him and I do not appreciate all that he does for me. If I were him, I would not be so patient with me. Sometimes I feel like I treat him as if he is my friend and the person who raises our children with me. I know God wants better for him and I am praying that I will find a way to be that to him. We are going to Las Vegas next month for our 16th anniversary…I am praying that it is a time of reconciliation for us. 

I am thankful for my husband who totally understands me for the good and really bad...I love him.

Fabulous Girl's Weekend

Tuesday, February 21, 2012


This past weekend, I had a much needed girl’s weekend. Me, Nicki, Laura, Meg, Katie and Cary all left Friday afternoon for Chattanooga. But by the time we were all STARVING and thankfully we found a fabulous Japanese steak house…I even had tofu! We went back to our room which  was pretty great because it was a suite w/2bedrooms & 2 baths…it slept 8. I slept in the king bed with Laura and I was exhausted so I was out quickly. We were up at 8 and went down for breakfast and then got ready for a day of shopping, eating and then we had to be at the spa at 2pm.. I ended up getting a 1hr massage and a pedicure. It was wonderful! We went to another great Italian restaurant that night and again, we came back & got in our jammies and went to sleep.  A girl can't ask for a better day than that and for better friends to spend the day with.  I am so thankful for my precious friends who "take care of me" and I am thankful that it doesn't matter how long we haven't seen each other, nothing changes...except some of us are getting older & grumpier in our old age!!