Guilt!!!

So, I have a good friend, Gabe Segovia, who found out last summer that he had an inoperable tumor on his brain.  The tumor was wrapped around the thalymus? of his brain and evidently that is not a place you want to be cutting.  So radiation and chemotherapy were the only options which he did and did remarkably well.  The doctors are still amazed at the work that had to be God because it had shrunk by 95% after the first rounds.  He is still doing chemo but no more radiation andhe is doing great.  The reason I titled this "guilt" is because of what Gabe has been doing since he found out about his tumor.  He has been posting everything from his life on facebook.  Every picture from highschool.  Every memory, taking pics of friends now and writing about them.  He has also come to know Jesus through this experience and is has been an amazing journey.  I am jealous that I have not done more to record my life.  I have always been terrible at taking pics and worse about having them developed.  I want to leave something for my husband, kids, famiy, friends and grandkids to know more about who I was.  Last December I had to quit working at the preschool and this past July I had to stop driving.  You would think I would be able to find the time to write a little a day but I always put it off. 
One of the hardest parts is not knowing where to start because there is so much that has happened that has gotten me where I am right now... today.  So, I decided to simply start with today, which actually has started out to be pretty good.  Cole plays on the Upward Basketball team at church and Chip is his coach.  This is their 7th year playing.. a bit sad that this will be his last year since it is only K-6.  My sweet husband is feeling guilty over how badly we beat the other team... they only scored 3 points and we stopped counting at like 50.  Cole scored 3 goals and I was proud! 
Also been thinking a lot about my "Bucket List" lately.  So many places I wanted to see that I know aren't going to happen.  Going to another country for a mission trip has always been a huge dream of mine.  Our church has been going to help out at an orphanage in Africa for the past 6 years but it is very expensive and would be very difficult for me physically.  There is going to be a trip to Peru, however, in October during the kids fall break and it is much less extensive than Africa...as well as cheaper.  We are thinking about me and shelby going.  I have really got to pray that this is something I can really do because I cannot back out once I've committed & 2 weeks away is a long time. 
I've been trying to talk to Shelby about "matters of the heart" because I'm afraid I won't be around when it counts.  This goes for Cole too...the thought of either of them getting their hearts broken hurts me becuase I remember.  And if I could spare them that, I would!  This quote I found today is great...

As you grow up, you will have your heart broken more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it feels when yours was broken.  You'll fight with your best friend.  You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.  So take too many pictures.  Laugh too much and love like you've never been hurt.  Because every 60 seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.


There is also a song sung by Lee Ann Womack title " I Hope You Dance " and it has a special place in my heart.  I want my kids to remember that there will be times in life when life isn't easy but I don't want that to stop that from taking chances.

"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder.  You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger. May you never take one single breath for granted.  God forbid love ever leave you empty handed.  I hope you still feel small when you stand by the ocean.  Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens.  Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance.  When you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.  I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance.  Never settle for the  path of least resistance.  Living might mean taking chances but it's worth taking.  Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making.  Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter.  When you come close to selling out, reconsider.  Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance.  And when you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.  I hope you dance!!

That says it all  doesn't it!!?

I need your help... I am trying to

I need

My List

In the fall, Erika Mannen started a small Bible study at her house and we met every other Wednesday.  It was her, myself, Marla, Carol and Julie Moore.  The study and fellowship was good...especially since Erika knew that a large bible study setting like at church was too much for me so I appreciated it.  We began another book/study in February.  The author is Ann Voskamp and the book is about being thankful for the things we have around us everyday that we might not take the time to appreciate.

I need therapy...

So much has happened and changed that I truly haven't wanted to write.  But blogging is therapy and I need therapy.  I have been/am in a more difficult place these days and maybe it will help just to write them out. 

Why I stopped writing...

I know it has been a very long time since I have written. To be honest, I got into a depression, and it once you get down, it is hard to get back up. Then I just didn't want to write about it. And the longer it got, the less I wanted to talk. But I know it will help me move on and catch up if I tell you what was going on last May when I stopped writing. A couple of things happened that will seem pretty insignificant now looking back but it wasn't then. First of all, I got hurt by a close friend that I look up to very much. I felt betrayed and it sent me into a depression. Even though we worked things out, it was very hard to "get over it."

GREAT NEWS!!!!

For all of you wondering how my younger sister's test results came out...she DOES NOT have the disease!!! Isn't that wonderful!? I am so happy for her. She has so much ahead of her now without this looming over her. As my sister, she is so close to my heart. Every time I even thought about the possibility of her having it, it was worse that me going through it again. I love her so much and am so glad that she is not going to have to face this part of the battle. Granted, HD is a family disease, so she can't ignore it. In fact it's a little funny that she is the least patient among the three of us, and now she'll end up having to help take care of us!!!! =) I really do want to thank all of you for checking on me and for all of your prayers. You all are the best.

Today I am just thankful...