Why I do what I do

I have had a couple of people ask me if I intened to share this with my kids and my answer is absolutely! I have written them some letters but this is a much better way for them to look back and know about their mom. I want them to see the good and the bad so some of you may have to make Chip share the whole thing with them! :-) Shelby and Cole are the reason I do what I do. They are my reason for getting out of bed in the morning. If it weren't for them, by now I would have left Chip so that he could move on with someone else. He is a great man and he doesn't deserve this life. And without kids I would be somewhere I could stay numb most of the time. Somewhere I could forget that I am scared to death. Somewhere I would not have to look at the faces of the people I love and know that I'm going to hurt them. But because I have those 2 precious kids, I stay. I guess God knew what he was doing when he gave them to me.